No More, but Forever In Our Wonderful Memory

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Our beloved boy passed away this week. His departure has left such a gaping hole, we are wracked with grief and trying to stay strong for each other.  He touched lives wherever he went, everybody loved Kato. 

RIP In Memory of our beloved Kato Teddy Bear, Prince of the Night 18/5/11 to 26/7/16

We’ll no more hear the Monday Song,
As by the Wednesday, you were gone.
No more hugs from Sookie Boy,
Who was our huge bundle of joy.
No more sadness, no more pain.
No more dancing in the rain.
No more carrot on Friday,
Now that you have gone away.
No more snoring as you kip,
No more laughing victory skip.
No more Bear Monster under the bed,
Resting there his weary head.
Skipping with tail, excited to hear,
Visitors and animals, come near.
“Have you been in my pots?” and back he’d race.
My angel with the grubby face.
My furry assistant, seated behind.
Will always remain here in my mind.
The one who yells in the garden, “Go Crow”
Huge love for everyone that you know.
I shall wear your favourite top.
No-one there to chase the mop.
No dancing feet or playing paws,
Or mischief breaking Mummy’s laws.
No more sharing Aloe juice,
You are gone so what’s the use?
The furry tummy is not here to rub
No more gathered, after school fan club.
The children will not come and shout
“Where’s Kato is he coming out?”
The Morning Mummy, smiling boy
Would bring my heart so much joy.
The things you knew, were immense
Mixed with happiness and nonsense.
No pussy cats running across the street
“They live there” their parents off to greet.
No sharing morsels when I cook.
Are you coming back? Can’t bear to look.
My heart is aching while this I share
The love we had for our little Bear.
The memories and the love we had,
For you furry son, your Mummy and Dad.
There for me, through thick and thin.
Couldn’t make you well and that’s the sin.
But you never let on that the end was near,
As you sat by my side, smiling here.
Thank you my son, you brightened our lives.
I wish like a cat, you had nine lives.
Your garden is empty, there’s something wrong.
They cannot hear your Monday Song.
The talking when I ask “Who’s there?”
Rushing home to see our little Bear.
Fly with the birdies, sleep in the sun
Over fields and forests, you now run.
Come Back Back Back, to see us soon.
As we lay crying in our room.
For now my darling, you are free.
While Daddy’s here to comfort me,
And I with him and you there too.
I will try not to remain so blue.
As we lay together on the floor,
I barely could have hoped for more.
More time with you, It was too soon.
As darkness filled a quiet room.
I kissed and stroked your fluffy ears
And could not hope to fight off the tears.
As we lay snuggled on the floor,
I kissed and stroked your silken paw.
No more horses with bowed head,
To visit you, Our Son is dead.
So as our memories, far too few.
Sent with love to follow you.
The buried face and cheeky eyes,
I know where your spirit flies.
So as I raise my sorry paw,
To you my darling, wish I’d done more.
So years to fill and much to gain,
Wish I could have helped remove your pain.
We loved you, you knew it for sure
And in return, your love was pure.
Not ‘cupboard loving’ that wasn’t for you.
What we shared, was great and true.
You were waiting for your Scottish trip,
So around your garden, you could skip.
On soft grass and heather to rest your head,
But could no longer wait our little Ted.
So to guide the way a candle you’ll find,
In our hearts as you travel upon the wind.
So when we are up and standing there,
Our spirits will soar for our little bear.
I’ll watch out for you, there’ll be time,
And you’ll let me know, you’ll send a sign.
A kiss to your memory where you stood
And danced around the little wood.
The cows will moo, the eagles will cry,
As we say to you our last Goodbye.
In beautiful memories we’ll place a plaque,
So you will always find your way back.
As life will go on and tears will subside.
A place feeling empty where you reside.
Our hearts are broken and our tears will fall.
Reminders of you, your blanket and ball.
Empty collar and harness, your work is done.
May you rest in peace our beloved Son.

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Daily Post – In the Wind

On Facing our Fears.

It’s a strange thing, when you decide to face your fear.
I know that in some ways it can be a good thing, however there are times when fear itself has a firm grip and I am left feeling unready for the excursion.

My fears this particular morning, may seem be quite a simple thing to others. Yet bring such fear in myself as to bring on a panic attack of such magnitude that it sets the irritable bowel off on it’s merry way again. All that brought on by the mere thought of doing something which we feel we cannot possibly do. I do not understand how it can have such a devastating effect on us. I feel the need to berate myself for being so silly about it in the cold light of day.

Yesterday I awoke in the early hours and thought about brushing the dog, such a simple task you might think. However it is not for me. In 2012 I was attacked by 2 Dogs, the first was one which we were considering re-homing. After we had spent 2 months with him around us, settling him in as part of the family, he attacked both my Partner and I for attempting to put a lead on him to take him for a walk. It was totally unexpected, but this was something that we had not done, since his current owner had always put his lead on for him. He had been in our home during the day for several weeks, we had all walked together along with our dog regularly. I had also taken both dogs out on my own, without issue. He had stayed for the weekend and even slept on our bed. But suddenly he turned on him and bit my partner’s hand down to the bone and sunk his teeth into my thigh when I tried to split them up and get my partner out of the way to safety. Suddenly this very large cuddly puppy reacted like a monster, he was heavy and very strong and we had to rethink, although we gave him another chance other circumstances forced our decision not to take him on. A few months later, a random dog went for my one over the playing fields and again I got in the middle, to protect on this occasion my baby. It resulted in my being maimed a hospital stay and two operations. (and so much more that I won’t go into here)

So for the reasons I have already mentioned, I am now hesitant to be in with my beloved and very large dog, in a confined space for the three hours it will take me to brush his coat. Since the accident I have avoided this for as long as possible and it is simply not fair to him. He has a very long coat, with several undercoats and moults twice a year. These are major moults which shed like tumbleweed all over the house and garden. At times this has me thinking that I would rip up all the carpets, the only thing stopping me is I actually like carpet underfoot. So I have persisted with it in the house. Now that the warmer weather has definitely arrived, he is shedding his winter coat all over the place. I need to take action. I have always bathed him with my partners help, he loves water so much that it has to be a joint effort to hold him in one place for long enough. I have always brushed him myself, believing that it strengthens the bond between us. He has never been to a professional groomer and I cannot afford to take him to a professional to get him washed and brushed now. I don’t actually know how he would react at this new thing now he is five years old. He’s always been a bit funny about his bits. But I have always brushed him nevertheless. He doesn’t like it much, under sufferance, he will relent and let me brush him until he goes to sleep and then wonders why I have to continue. He is not a willing accomplice and these days I muzzle him for the duration, which is torture in itself, since he wonders what he has done before we have even started. He growls at me when he has had enough and this is why he wears the muzzle, just in case. He can look very fierce when he is growly and I find it disconcerting in a confined space, although I am Mummy and generally boss he is after all a dog and doesn’t like being cornered.

As I merely thought about brushing him, since I was due to have an afternoon where my Partner is out, I had thought it might be the ideal time. But then I felt that familiar tightness in my chest, building up to an almost insane level where I could not breathe. The pressure in my ears thudding around my head and my pulse quickening. This went on for some time and then I started to feel a numbness up my legs. I tried for a moment to change my thinking, calm thoughts but it was just too late, it seemed to have taken hold of me. After trying to kick it out of my head with meditation, I was able to calm down but for a while, the terror reigned. I lost all rational thought, a mind full of what ifs….

He is my baby and I love him so much. He wandered into the room, took one look at me and turned and left, in one look probably told him what I was thinking, it was a complete dead loss, I had no chance of brushing him that day. Thoughts of that day almost two years ago returning to me had rendered me incapable of taking care of him properly, a full blown panic attack and the stress making itself apparent in so many ways, headache, shaking sweating and an upset stomach being just a part of the experience.

I will man up and face the fear, I have to. But It might take a few attempts and I might have a half brushed dog in the meantime.