On Facing our Fears.

It’s a strange thing, when you decide to face your fear.
I know that in some ways it can be a good thing, however there are times when fear itself has a firm grip and I am left feeling unready for the excursion.

My fears this particular morning, may seem be quite a simple thing to others. Yet bring such fear in myself as to bring on a panic attack of such magnitude that it sets the irritable bowel off on it’s merry way again. All that brought on by the mere thought of doing something which we feel we cannot possibly do. I do not understand how it can have such a devastating effect on us. I feel the need to berate myself for being so silly about it in the cold light of day.

Yesterday I awoke in the early hours and thought about brushing the dog, such a simple task you might think. However it is not for me. In 2012 I was attacked by 2 Dogs, the first was one which we were considering re-homing. After we had spent 2 months with him around us, settling him in as part of the family, he attacked both my Partner and I for attempting to put a lead on him to take him for a walk. It was totally unexpected, but this was something that we had not done, since his current owner had always put his lead on for him. He had been in our home during the day for several weeks, we had all walked together along with our dog regularly. I had also taken both dogs out on my own, without issue. He had stayed for the weekend and even slept on our bed. But suddenly he turned on him and bit my partner’s hand down to the bone and sunk his teeth into my thigh when I tried to split them up and get my partner out of the way to safety. Suddenly this very large cuddly puppy reacted like a monster, he was heavy and very strong and we had to rethink, although we gave him another chance other circumstances forced our decision not to take him on. A few months later, a random dog went for my one over the playing fields and again I got in the middle, to protect on this occasion my baby. It resulted in my being maimed a hospital stay and two operations. (and so much more that I won’t go into here)

So for the reasons I have already mentioned, I am now hesitant to be in with my beloved and very large dog, in a confined space for the three hours it will take me to brush his coat. Since the accident I have avoided this for as long as possible and it is simply not fair to him. He has a very long coat, with several undercoats and moults twice a year. These are major moults which shed like tumbleweed all over the house and garden. At times this has me thinking that I would rip up all the carpets, the only thing stopping me is I actually like carpet underfoot. So I have persisted with it in the house. Now that the warmer weather has definitely arrived, he is shedding his winter coat all over the place. I need to take action. I have always bathed him with my partners help, he loves water so much that it has to be a joint effort to hold him in one place for long enough. I have always brushed him myself, believing that it strengthens the bond between us. He has never been to a professional groomer and I cannot afford to take him to a professional to get him washed and brushed now. I don’t actually know how he would react at this new thing now he is five years old. He’s always been a bit funny about his bits. But I have always brushed him nevertheless. He doesn’t like it much, under sufferance, he will relent and let me brush him until he goes to sleep and then wonders why I have to continue. He is not a willing accomplice and these days I muzzle him for the duration, which is torture in itself, since he wonders what he has done before we have even started. He growls at me when he has had enough and this is why he wears the muzzle, just in case. He can look very fierce when he is growly and I find it disconcerting in a confined space, although I am Mummy and generally boss he is after all a dog and doesn’t like being cornered.

As I merely thought about brushing him, since I was due to have an afternoon where my Partner is out, I had thought it might be the ideal time. But then I felt that familiar tightness in my chest, building up to an almost insane level where I could not breathe. The pressure in my ears thudding around my head and my pulse quickening. This went on for some time and then I started to feel a numbness up my legs. I tried for a moment to change my thinking, calm thoughts but it was just too late, it seemed to have taken hold of me. After trying to kick it out of my head with meditation, I was able to calm down but for a while, the terror reigned. I lost all rational thought, a mind full of what ifs….

He is my baby and I love him so much. He wandered into the room, took one look at me and turned and left, in one look probably told him what I was thinking, it was a complete dead loss, I had no chance of brushing him that day. Thoughts of that day almost two years ago returning to me had rendered me incapable of taking care of him properly, a full blown panic attack and the stress making itself apparent in so many ways, headache, shaking sweating and an upset stomach being just a part of the experience.

I will man up and face the fear, I have to. But It might take a few attempts and I might have a half brushed dog in the meantime.

AloeEverybody, A New Hello!

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To all of those of you who know me personally, you may or may not be aware. The past couple of years has forced changes, both personal and in my working life. As a consequence Life has not taken the exact route I had planned for me, so I am taking it in a slightly new direction, pushing it onward in whatever way I am able to do.

Originally I started this website solely to promote my Forever Living AloeVera business. I had great vision for it but circumstances have as yet prevailed and although it continues, I have not yet thrown all my efforts into it to make it the business it could be. However, continue to be a strong advocate of using these products and the great effects they bring to your health and wellbeing and am happy to continue to sell them to whoever would like to purchase them from me. The wonderful thing about having a Forever Business is that you are able to take a side step when you need to and just pick up again with new training for the wonderful new products they continue to develop. The company keep you informed with regular updates, and God willing if you have someone in your up-line who might understand that not everyone‘s best is the same. There are at times different levels of best, which you as person are able to give and they let you get on with it and re-join the party at a later date when you have something else to bring, for that I am grateful. By it’s very nature this business requires you to get out there and be sociable, telling all that you meet and spreading the word, it is a word-of-mouth business. Having a long term illness which wreaks havoc upon your life, even when you think you are through the worst of it and can rear it’s ugly head once again years later, is tough and like many illnesses can have an effect on your self-confidence. Over the years I have highs and lows as it dictates to me. Latterly having been diagnosed with PTSD after an accident, it left me a void of self confidence an unable me to do what the business required of me to progress. I have concentrated on trying to get better and with the help and the understanding of those closest to me. I am on the road to recovery.

Those of you who know me well will also know that I have returned to writing in the past few months. Not knowing whether this is my true vocation, I have began to write again on a small scale, whilst I found my writing voice. Although I am regularly writing and now posting some of it online. I can say that it has become an outlet for me to explore and write about my own outlook and poetry and has given me the voice which I needed on my way to finding a new improved me. (After all, there is always some room for improvement) In some lights portraying a whimsical version of myself or what happens to pass through my thoughts and my observations. It is with this in mind that I now fully intend to overhaul this website in the coming months, whilst I figure out what the future holds for me.

Whereas once it was to be just a serious business site here to promote the products and what I was doing in the business, the events I would attend along with many others, there was nothing much to separate it from the rest. Forever Living Products is a huge, worldwide business, so what sets me apart from the hundreds of thousands of people who distribute the products worldwide? Well, I am finding my voice again, it has been there all along, hiding, waiting and I am slowly finding it again. It is a little hoarse from being so quiet, but I guess that takes time. I now intend to fully develop the blog side of this website and incorporate my knowledge about other things, whether it be health matters, wellness events or just my outlook and approach to things, if you like what you read, share the love along with my posts. Please follow the new blog on it‘s new route and hopefully we will remember that life is supposed to be fun along the way.

I intend to review, whether it be books, events, products or whatever…. Please remember that all opinions are just that, they are my own though and some may be backed up by knowledge. It is important, that we retain a little humour from time to time. Life can be so serious, but in this life we are also supposed to have fun.

It is my chance to yell “AloeEverybody.” from the rooftops. As the play on words suggests when I first thought of the name, where I come from it is a Hello and it is meant for everybody. In the hope that some of you will respond to it, interact with me on the subjects I write about. Although it is not everyone’s particular brand. I hope that as we continue it will also gain momentum, oh and a huge following…
So, If you would like me to review something for you please get in touch with me via email on the contact page.